Vatican: “You Can’t Trust a Catholic”

The Vatican’s papal conclave, a word that literally means “with key,”

…has long been obsessed with secrecy. The cardinals swear an oath to that effect before even entering the Sistine Chapel, punishable by excommunication. Anyone else associated with the election, from doctors and nurses to housekeeping staff, must also swear to never tell anyone anything they hear.


Now, what is such a sacred oath of secrecy, sworn to the Almighty, really worth? Bupkis, the Vatican acknowledges; there’s no honor among thieves gossips.

On Monday, jamming devices designed to block cellphone calls, Internet signals and hidden microphones were installed inside the Sistine Chapel and nearby guest residences. WiFi will be blocked throughout Vatican City until the end of the conclave. And the conclave’s active Twitter- and Facebook-users have been forbidden access to their accounts along with all other forms of communication with the outside world.

If such measures are truly necessary, it follows that at least some of the participants don’t particularly tremble at the prospect of excommunication.

Neither, clearly, do they fear God’s wrath.

Ergo: Nor should anyone else.