Thangew, I’ll Be Here All Week

There are four people on board of a burning plane: a priest, a young mother, her six-year-old son, and the pilot. The crying mother is persuaded to grab the first of only three parachutes, and jumps. The pilot takes the second parachute, and gives the third to the priest. The priest yells “What about the child?” The pilot yells back, “Screw the kid!” The priest brightens and says, “Do you think there is time?”

BONUS — The most popular joke told at last week’s papal conclave in the Vatican:

Q: What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight-year-olds?
A: There’s twenty of them.

And the second-most popular:

A priest and a little boy walk into a forest at night. The child whimpers, “I’m scared, it’s dark in there!” The priest responds: “You‘re scared? I’m the one who has to walk back alone!”