Buy This and You Too Can Be a Ritual Circumciser

I’m a really good shopper. Just this morning, I was reminiscing about the most holy circumcision practice called metzitzah b’peh, wherein babies get their tiny bloody penises sucked by a possibly herpes-carrying Jewish mohel, and I realized we ought to try a little therapy and help them.

Not the babies (well OK, them too). But I was thinking mostly of Brooklyn’s vital mohel industry. To clean up the Jewish-baby-hummer profession which has been so needlessly maligned, we ought to get rid of the mohels who bestow the gift of STDs on infants, and replace them with new practitioners.

So … Want an exciting new career? This is your chance if you’ve always wanted to slice into defenseless baby boys’ genitals and suck their dicks for a living.

Ready? Just go to Amazon and buy this infant circumcision trainer.

Infant Circumcision Trainer, White_ Amazon.com_ Industrial & Scientific

Then also add this to your cart

Soft-Grip Snap-Off Utility Knife with 6 Blades - Lifetime Warranty -

and don’t forget this,

bloodand Baruch’s yer uncle.

Now just pucker your lips and go to town. Practice, practice, practice. The salary isn’t great, but you’ll get plenty of tips.

[tip of the yarmulke to Balto Dash]