Jesus Finally Returns, and His Name is AJ Miller

Waiting tor Christ to return to Earth? Then wait no longer: I’m happy to report that — Hosanna! — the Messiah is already living among us, in Australia, and that he has Tom Cruise good looks and an Aussie accent.

Meet Alan John Miller (a little disappointing, “Miller,” isn’t it? I mean, “Carpenter” would have been perfect).

Anyway, Miller is a former Jehova’s Witness pastor who’s had his share of trouble. His mother tried to commit him to a psychiatric ward. He fell out with his church over an incident with a prostitute, so he started his own religious organization, and of course graciously volunteered to head it.

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After Miller realized he was the historical Jesus, reborn in the 20th century, he took a girlfriend and told her she was Mary Magdalene; however, he turned out to be oddly fallible with that proclamation, as he soon kicked out Mary Magdalene #1 and traded her in for Mary Magdalene #2. Incidentally, this latest Mary had no knowledge of her first-century self prior to meeting Miller, but these days can barely stop bawling when she recalls in vivid detail how her beloved was nailed to a cross 2,000 years ago. See the video (below).

These days they surround themselves with dozens of international followers, including small children, in a religious center deep in the Australian bush. You can read more about the darling duo here and here and here.

Pop quiz: In the video, the guitar-playing Messiah can be seen and heard strumming a song, starting at 17m57s. It’s pretty cheeky, when you think about it. Do you recognize the tune?

Click on the blanks to reveal the answer. Jesus the Second is playing a song by Tears For Fears called, appropriately enough, Mad World.

You Can’t Spell Good Without God: The Lord Loves Uganda and Wants His People to Kill the Gays

What’s so fascinating about the fresh-faced American missionaries in God Loves Uganda, the Roger Ross Williams documentary that premiered at Sundance this year, is that they exemplify a particular brand of goodness. They think of themselves as a force of light and progress, and it would be churlish to deny them the claim.

After all, they truly want the economically less fortunate to rise up and live better. These Africa-bound missionaries make considerable sacrifices in time and money to provide not just spiritual growth, but tangible and important infrastructure improvements like new schools and medical clinics.

And what’s wrong with that? At first blush, these are the kinds of Christians that any non-believer would be proud to associate with.

But scratch the surface, and murkiness intrudes.

Religion Dispatches has more:

Filmmaker Williams was given remarkable access to leaders and missionaries affiliated with the International House of Prayer (IHOP) movement based in Kansas City, and he makes the most of it. Dominionist Lou Engle describes Africa as a “firepot of spiritual renewal and revival,” and be believes Uganda has a special prophetic destiny. Engle has tried to distance himself somewhat from the infamous “kill the gays” bill that is pending in Uganda’s legislature, but here he is on film, at his TheCall rally in Uganda, standing with speakers calling for passage of the bill. [emphasis added] …

The film also includes footage of Engle’s pro-Prop. 8 rally in California at which he warned that allowing same-sex couples to get married would unleash “sexual insanity” and a spirit “more demonic than Islam.”

God Loves Uganda also features

…a pastor [who] marvels that aid from U.S. evangelicals increased threefold when they started attacking homosexuality. Churches’ financial success brings added clout to anti-gay pastors like Martin Ssempa — who drives his congregation into a frenzy by showing explicit and extreme gay pornography — and the politicians allied with them, like David Bahati, the sponsor of the kill-the-gays bill.

And then there’s evangelical Scott Lively, an oily, nauseating Christian propagandist who

…blames homosexuals for the Nazi movement and Holocaust. In the U.S., Lively is a marginalized and discredited figure, but in Uganda, he has not only had the platform of Martin Ssempa’s TV show, he was invited to speak before the Parliament. Lively has been working for years to convince people in Uganda and other countries that gay people are out to recruit their children and destroy their societies.

OK, fine, but these are just the bad apples, right? What about those fresh-faced young missionaries we’ll gladly break bread with, the love-filled sharers who just want to do good? Religion Dispatches‘ Peter Montgomery has their number, too:

The film follows one young missionary, Jesse Digges, and his wife Rachelle. At one point the filmmaker asks them about the anti-homosexuality law. Their smiles stiffen, and they say they don’t really know what’s in the law. Whether or not you believe them, their lack of concern, or willful ignorance, comes across as shameful. They portray controversy over the legislation as a Western media creation. But the documentary’s footage of anti-gay histrionics at churches, rallies, and on the floor of the parliament make it clear that the threat is all too real.

Uganda is part of the Commonwealth, an organization of 54 states; homosexuality remains illegal in 41 of them.

Penalties range from the death sentence in parts of Nigeria and Pakistan to 20 years plus flogging in Malaysia.

So what’s there for the Christian Right? American anti-gay evangelists are drawn especially to sub-Saharan countries for two main reasons that I can see.

One is that the Western fingerwaggers are increasingly realizing that their message of bigotry is doomed in the U.S. and Western Europe, but likely to find a warm reception in poor countries where gay people are still forced to be closeted.

The second reason is that the population of sub-Saharan Africa is astonishingly young. Some 40 percent is 15 years or younger; in Uganda, that pearl in the neo-colonialist crown, it’s about 50 percent. Young people are almost by definition not only more impressionable and easily led; they can also provide a long lifetime of fervent service to their adopted ideals. “They can reach multitudes; they can reach nations,” as one of the Christian aid workers exults in the movie trailer above.

Mitch Potter buttresses my point in today’s edition of the Star, a Canadian newspaper.

Nowhere is the global battleground as heated as Africa, where a widening inter-denominational network of right-wing Christian groups has brought America’s culture war into play, helping to engineer legislation like Uganda’s infamous “Kill the Gays” bill.

Kapya Kaoma, an Anglican priest from Zambia, in a new Political Research Associates report titled “Colonizing African Values,” describes a series of new fronts in Africa, with U.S. churches, including the Pat Robertson-founded American Centre for Law & Justice, opening offices in Kenya and Zimbabwe to advance anti-gay theology in the corridors of African power.

Kaoma acknowledges that U.S. Christian activists backed away after an international furor surrounding the first tabling of the 2009 Ugandan anti-homosexuality bill.

But Koama adds:

“While these leaders backed off, key institutions of the U.S. Christian Right stepped up their efforts to bring their style of persecuting sexual minorities — and opposing reproductive rights — to the continent.”

The result goes beyond the sort of intolerance we still see occasionally in the West — the kind now mostly confined to nasty taunts and heated rhetoric. In the thousands of African towns and villages where the Christian Right has established its beachheads, there’s a new boldness in the air, expressed through

…harassment, discrimination, persecution, violence and murders committed against individuals because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

We should respect anyone, religious or not, who helps others obtain clean drinking water, better medical care, and education.

Nevertheless, we also ought to reserve the right to cast a very wary eye on religious do-gooders and their ‘Have Bible, Will Travel’ mindset. These days, they know enough not to make their tangible offerings contingent upon the recipients also embracing the spiritual ones. The harm they do arrives in different shapes than the human damage outlined in, say, The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver’s exegesis of 1960s missionary zeal; but it is harm nonetheless, all the more nebulous and  frustrating for containing sweet bits of benefit and benediction.

Wicked Pisser: Pastor Pees in Buddhist Temple

Last August, a Protestant South Korean clergyman visited the Donghwa temple in Daegu — but hardly to pay his ecumenical respects.

The Reverend Seong made a beeline for a Buddhist shrine in the temple, where he used a marker to write insults on a portrait of Buddha and on various wall paintings. Then he unzipped, and urinated into the bowls and incense burners. Security cameras recorded Seong in the act.

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The monks filed a police complaint the following day, submitting the surveillance footage as evidence. The reverend was arrested and made a full confession. He explained he had defaced the Buddhist temple in a fit of anger because its sacred texts are “filled with false words.”

Seong was ordained in 2005 and had been working as an assistant pastor at a nearby church.

Temple authorities say they repeatedly asked for an official apology from Seong’s church; they finally received one yesterday, seven months after the golden-shower incident.

[image via koreabang]

New Visitor Record, and Another Sincere Thanks

Amazing. Just five days ago, we peaked at more than 6,000 page views in 24 hours, and we were thrilled.

Yesterday, we very nearly doubled that.

Or rather, you did.

Total page views on Sunday: 12,200. (I guess atheists don’t take that Day-of-the-Lord stuff too seriously for some reason.)

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Oh, we also doubled our number of Facebook followers over the weekend, plus we tallied almost 1,400 website page views yesterday that were the direct result of people sharing our Facebook updates.

Moral Compass isn’t even six weeks old. We’re blown away by your enthusiasm. Again, thank you.

Honestly, I thought we’d be making this site for just a couple of hundred people — and we would have been fine with that. I’m delighted that it turns out we’re capable of drawing a five-figure audience, and we are more committed than ever to making this both an informative and entertaining place for you to visit.

If you have suggestions, hit us in the comments.

Bill Maher on Catholicism’s ‘New Rules’

The best part starts at 3m24s.

Three or Four Thwacks Severed the Man’s Head

I just clicked on a short video on a skeptics website. The footage was labeled something like “A Sunni Day in Syria,” so, not being overly naive, I figured it would feature something ugly done in the name of Sunni Islam in that war-ravaged country. And I wasn’t wrong. But I also wasn’t prepared for what I saw: a sword-wielding jihadist thwacking at a bound man’s neck. Three or four blows and the beheading was done; the murderer proudly raised the severed head, like a trophy. He appeared to be in ecstasy. The killing happened so fast it was already over by the time I managed to unfreeze myself and click stop.

I can watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and crack questionable jokes. I can watch Saw 1 through 7 while eating popcorn, no sweat. But this stomach-churning video got to me because, despite its low-res crappy quality, (a) it wasn’t make-believe, and (b) I hadn’t even been given a chance to brace myself.

In a way, the graphic evil of Islamist beheading-porn is perfect fodder for Moral Compass, but I can’t bring myself to post it. And even if I did, it would be preceded by multiple warnings regarding what you’re about to see.

I can’t say I understand why this isn’t common courtesy all around the ‘Net.

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Anyway, Western governments, in their wisdom, are helping the Syrian rebels with money and weapons, just as America helped the Afghanistan mujahideen fight Russian forces in the 1980s — while the State Department and others stayed wilfully clueless about how that aid would someday be turned against the givers.

Why do we not learn from our mistakes?

It’s undeniable that Syrian citizens who we imagine to be brave freedom fighters, and who we want to help break free from the oppression of Bashar Assad’s brutal government, are often violent fundamentalist sociopaths, no better than the non-fundie goons we are itching for them to replace.

Sometimes, the decent thing to do is nothing. We should achieve what we can through diplomacy, but not spend one more dollar on establishing a future theocratic state that is different from a thugocracy like Iran in name only.

[image D. Kennedy via Body of Truth]

Rapping About Teh Gay

Wow. It doesn’t get much whiter than this.

It’s not really worthy of a serious response, so we didn’t write one. Instead, we took it down to her level for a minute. Beatbox optional.

We humans sometimes can be great
when we learn to differentiate
between things we ought to denigrate
and love that we can celebrate.
Why don’t we simply highly rate
things that unite, not separate?

And when it comes to gay or straight
I have to ask, when you orate
please leave behind that thick steel plate
that just serves to debilitate
and leads you to extrapolate
things Holy Books don’t advocate.

Know also that no rap is great
when done by a mental featherweight
who use muzak to berate
and fails to fully ‘preciate
this is the West and not Kuwait.

More Devout Might Be to French It or Fuck It

Via Reddit:

“Evangelist Mike Murdock tells followers to stroke, kiss, and rub their Bibles across their faces in this oddly erotic video.”

It’s harmless when the reverend and his flock appear to desire physical relations with a book; not so cool when their fellow believers do it to kids. As long as we’re all clear on the difference, we’re cool.

Watch: NY Sikhs’ Sword Assault — In Temple

This website features mostly current news reports, but we occasionally bring you older examples of religious wickedness if they amuse us. Here’s an oldie but goodie we just came across: a 2011 video of a brawl inside a Sikh temple in New York City where worshipers attacked each other with cricket bats and small swords. Seven people were charged with assault.

The Curious Case of the Mormon Penis Biter

Here at Moral Compass HQ, we’ll be keeping an eye on the upcoming trial of Mormon penis biter Efrey Antonio Guzman, 47.

Last May, Guzman, a branch president of the Church of Latter-Day Saints, knocked on the door of a family friend whose 13-year-old daughter and 20-year-old son were home alone.

When Guzman learned that the brother was in the shower, “the defendant suddenly grabbed [the girl], hugged her tightly and would not let her go,” the charges state. The teen said Guzman started kissing her and grabbed her buttocks, but left when her brother entered the room.

In August, however, the church official returned to the home, allegedly pushed his way in, and

…began to assault the mother. During a struggle, Guzman ripped her shirt, then grabbed her exposed breast, the charges state.

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The woman’s son attempted to come to her rescue, whereupon Guzman decided to explore the contents of the boy’s boxer shorts. With his teeth.

Guzman grabbed and then bit the son’s genitals, “causing severe damage that required surgery,” according to the charges.

Kind of a dick move.

Guzman was president of the LDS Union Park 9th Branch in Midvale. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said after charges were filed that Guzman no longer holds that position.

[image via Mormonism Unveiled]

Stabby Pastor: ‘Her License is Semen-Stained’

Via Phillyburbs.com:

A pastor who repeatedly stabbed his longtime mistress just days before she was to marry another man has been sentenced to 21 years in prison. The Rev. Edward Fairley of Paterson, NJ, must serve nearly 85 percent of the term imposed Friday. Fairley had admitted stabbing the victim 28 times in March 2011, but said he did not intend to kill her. He said the stabbing occurred during a fit of rage provoked by her toying with his emotions and using him for his money.

But a Passaic County jury convicted him last month on charges of attempted murder, stalking, and making terroristic threats. The victim, who is also a minister [emphasis added] survived the attack.

Fairley started the affair with Simone Shields shortly after marrying his fourth wife. He and Shields worked at the Koinonia and Christian Ministries that Fairley started 17 years ago.

Fairley

The good reverend represented himself in court, which resulted in the unusual situation of the accused cross-examining the victim. He told the jury that Shields had slept her way up the ladder, and accused her of having had an affair with a clergyman from another congregation to help get her credentials — adding,

Her minister’s license is stained with semen.

It wasn’t the first time the man of God found himself in court — or in prison. Fairley’s gotten a bit stabby before.

Though the jury didn’t know about it, Fairley, 61, was convicted in 1983 of kidnapping, burglary, aggravated assault and other crimes, and sentenced to 22 years in prison after stabbing his then-wife and mother of two of his children. He served seven years before being paroled in 1990.

[photo by Mitsu Yasukawa, via northjersey.com]

Give Me Faith, Not Facts, Or Fuck You

A former student at Jewish Yeshiva University in Manhattan is still distressed after a rabbinical professor, years ago, challenged some axioms of students’ Jewish faith during a course called Introduction to the Bible.

So upset is Elliot Resnick that he published an impassioned plea in Kol Hamevaser, the student body’s “Jewish Thought Magazine,” this week — a piece that he headlined Shut Down the Bible Department.

He points out that

…the overwhelming majority of Orthodox Jews grow up believing that Moshe [Moses] wrote every word of the Torah as dictated by God.

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For some, that belief turns out to be unexpectedly shaky. Resnick, who graduated from Yeshiva College seven years ago, feels deeply wounded that the school’s Bible introduction made him consider, among other things, that today’s Torah is not a copy of an absolute and unassailable “original.” To his horror, he learned that words and sentences and most likely entire sections have been added or deleted over time, as is the case with all Abrahamic so-called Holy Books. (I truly thought that that was common knowledge; I was wrong.)

In addition, complains Resnick,

Hebrew, I learned, is just another ancient Semitic language. It possesses no intrinsic holiness.

Oh, the humanity!

Resnick assures us that he loves truth. Loves it.

If my beliefs are naïve or based on ignorance, I am fully in favor of reconstructing my Judaism on a more solid basis.

Awriiight! Now we’re getting somewhere.

But this is not what my Bible professor did.

Uh-oh.

He destroyed my core beliefs without replacing it with anything. He tore down my foundation and left me staring at the rubble.

Really? Resnick’s articles of faith perhaps weren’t particularly robust then, were they?

I recently met a fellow student who took the very same Intro to Bible course with me years ago. He, too, left that class dazed, he said. He did not know what to believe anymore. How can a professor do that to a frum [devout] teenager? What is the point of teaching all of this to impressionable nineteen-year-olds?

In other words, “How dare you confront me with new information?”

I’m no teacher, but I’m pretty sure that teaching students anything at all neither presumes nor necessitates the affirmation of their dearly-held biases and beliefs. Quite the opposite: good teachers, in addition to offering facts and knowledge, probably endeavor to open minds and challenge students to consider new points of view. That’s kind of what academia is for. Not to learn by rote; not to learn what to think; but to learn how to think — by adroitly juggling all the available evidence, I should hope.

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Still, you know what they say about leading an ass a horse to water. Quoth Resnick:

When I speak to right-wing acquaintances of mine, my main hesitation in recommending YU for their siblings or children is … the Bible Department. I therefore propose that YU either radically reform this department or eliminate it entirely.

Priceless.

As an atheist, I have no dog in this fight — although I’ll note that you won’t soon come across a finer example of why facts are to faith as cats are to dogs.

Resnick’s pusillanimous, provincial philippic attests to that, as do the more than one thousand ‘likes’ his piece has so far received from his frum fellow Yeshivites.

[top image Rob Bennett via the New York Times; bottom image via politics.ie]