When the Drug of Religion Isn’t Enough

Opium for the masses!

A Christian minister successfully smuggled more than 6kg (13 lbs) of heroin through five countries before being busted in Darwin because Jetstar lost her luggage, a court has heard.

drugs

New Zealander Bernadine Terry Prince, who is the head of international ministry Oasis of Grace, faces a maximum penalty of life in jail.

She was refused bail yesterday after being charged with smuggling 2.87kg of methamphetamines and 6.15kg of heroin into Darwin on May 24.

Worst Porno Ever? Imam’s Homemade Sex Movie Leaked, Hits the Interwebs.

This could be the worst porno ever made.

The future of an imam in Tajikistan is in question after he appeared having sex in video clips posted on the Internet.

The scandal erupted last week when three video clips appeared on YouTube and Facebook showing a couple involved in sexual activities.

Charliehebdo

In one clip, a stocky, naked, middle-aged man appears to put a mobile phone on a table or shelf before climbing into bed and having sex with a woman wearing a green head scarf.

Oh, good. So at least she’s modest ‘n’ all.

The face of the man, who has a dark beard, appears clearly.

The videos were removed by YouTube and Facebook within a few hours. They appeared again for several hours on June 11.

Law enforcement officers have questioned the imam of a mosque in the village of Bolshevik in Rudaki district, near the capital, Dushanbe, as part of an investigation.

Local police say that the imam has acknowledged filming himself having sex with his wife on his mobile phone.

The imam, whose name has not been made public, denied posting the videos and claimed he had lost the phone.

Of course, Islam forbids pornography. The faithful are not amused.

According to the Department of Fatwa of Tajikistan’s state-backed Council of Ulema, it is a sin to take pictures of sexual intercourse.

The council, which has a consultative role, says it will discuss the scandal on June 20.

The fate of the imam is uncertain. If the Allah-promoting gig doesn’t work out, maybe he’ll consider a career in adult entertainment. I’m getting hot just thinking about it.

Christianity News Roundup

• Catholic Church leaders are sparing no expense to try to stop legislation that would make it easier for victims of sexual abuse to seek damages in court.

• Faith-healing couple that let second kid die is ordered to stand trial: “They did nothing to help that child,” prosecutor Joanne Pescatore said at the court hearing. “That’s why it’s murder.”

Jesusexample

• Superstition in action: Wilmington church holds blessing of motorcycles. Next up: blessing of skateboards, blessing of Segways, blessing of kids’ tricycles?

• Kansas pastor admits to ripping off several landlords with worthless checks.

• Well-regarded community and education leader of First Presbyterian Church in Lake Wales, FL, solicits sex from cop posing as a 14-year-old girl.

• Church gives child-raping, serial-adulterer pastor a generous severance package.

I Love the 80s: Pat Robertson Edition — In Which the Wrong Kind of Gameplay Leads to Satan

Having lived through the 80s the first time, I can tell you that the nostalgia for that decade started circa ’91. Still in high school, we were fondly recalling our near-past via Duran Duran’s Decade and the Miami Vice soundtrack. That these were played primarily on cassette in various K-cars probably goes without saying.

Since then 80s nostalgia has been recycled ad nauseam, and most of us are past it. But not Pat Robertson, no sir.

Harking back to the imagined perils of his own heyday — and sounding very much like he’s in a permanent fugue state — the good reverend has recently decided to restart one of that benighted time’s silliest crusades: combating the satanic roots of teen malfeasance, particularly suicide. Bonus: Dungeons & Dragons gets a mention (boy that takes me back).

chick tract - d+d

Here’s Robertson having at it during a recent 700 Club (yup, still on the air) segment on mental health and suicide in young people:

“Ladies and gentlemen, our children are at risk. […] There’s all kinds of demonic games they play. It used to be ‘Dungeons & Dragons.’ They’ve got some new ones now. The pressure on them is just incredible.”

The spirit of the PMRC lives!

This issue has been studied more than most questions in sociology. And the evidence favors the view that games, regardless of their violent or fantastical elements, do not make young people into self-murdering sociopaths. I won’t pretend the issue isn’t divisive amongst thoughtful and well-intentioned researchers, though I will offer that if one wants to think clearly about it, Pat Robertson in high dudgeon might not be the most fruitful source of data.

Pictured: Two teens taking a break from their video gaming.

Pictured: Two teens taking a break from their video gaming.

And it’s too easy to forget what can happen when this kind of unfounded hysteria breaks through the fences of Crazytown and infects the general population. Backed by our most primitive fears of the devil and his minions, families like the Amiraults in Massachusetts had their lives ripped apart by some who ignored data and still others who abused it. The road to that particular hell is paved not with good intentions but with the stolen liberties of railroaded innocents.

But surely we’re wiser now as a culture, right? Let’s hope. At any rate, with all the ills in the world to lament it’s good to know that people can still get worked up about the classics. If only Zappa were still around to spar with them (and with our feeble congress).

Today, Robertson is a relatively minor figure in his own movement. CBN long ago started taking the brand past him with initiatives like 700 Club Interactive and international editions.

That said — and even with the likes of Westboro Baptist Church around hogging all the bad press — ol’ Pat’s still a reliable source of pitch-black lulz: check out his recent rants on the Boy Scouts, Tim Tebow, how tornado victims don’t pray enough, and why it’s your fault your husband cheated on you.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

P.S.: This high school kid from the mid-90s had the data — and sensible conclusion — that eludes Robertson et al even today.

Married Pastor Molests Men Referred to Him for Counseling, Calls the Encounters ‘Blessings’

The Lord’s blessings poured forth from pastor Muehlhauser’s closeted gay cock.

Pastor Ryan Jay Muehlhauser, 55, of Cambridge [Minnesota], had been an Isanti County pastor serving the community for more than 20 years when he was charged in November 2012 with eight counts of felony, fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct with two [young] adult males seeking spiritual counsel.

NW-Muehlhauser

Muehlhauser pleaded guilty to two of those counts Feb. 28. Under the plea agreement, Muehlhauser will serve 160 days in Isanti County Jail, remain on supervised probation for 10 years and register as a predatory offender. The other six counts were dismissed. …

He admitted to feeling the victim’s genital area and calling the sexual encounters “blessings.”

Quote of the Day (Yep, It’s a Tie)

“Being an atheist is awful because you’re damning your soul to hell, which is just like suicide. It’s a very selfish thing to put your family through. But it’s also worse than suicide because you are forcing your loved ones to watch you walk around knowing that you’re dead inside and damned.” [source]

Quote of the Day

From David Hayward, a.k.a. the Naked Pastor:

“I know some nice atheists. I know some not so nice atheists. I know some nice Christians. I know some not so nice Christians. But, in my opinion and experience, the worst not so nice people are the Christian ones because they use their religion to veil and even justify their not so niceness. There’s nothing uglier than that.”

Teacher Beheaded for Witchcraft; ‘A Swarm of Fireflies’ Said She’d Caused a Neighbor’s Death

Fireflies. They’re the new breadcrumbs.

A female teacher was publicly tortured and beheaded by a mob of villagers in Papua New Guinea after she was accused of using sorcery against a neighbor, the Associated Press reported Monday.

The villagers — wielding guns, machetes and axes — pulled Helen Rumbali out of her house, along with her sister and two nieces. They then burned down the house, the AP reported.

witchpot

The assailants accused the 40-something schoolteacher of witchcraft, saying she was responsible for the death of a sick villager. They said a swarm of fire flies led them from the deceased person’s grave to Ms. Rumbali’s house, the AP reported.

After being slashed repeatedly with knives, the woman’s older sister and two teenage nieces were released following negotiations with police. Ms. Rumbali was publicly beheaded.

Time Changes Everything

Lulz via Holy Shit.

969209_193854444105098_1691382447_n

Russia To Outlaw Religious Jokes, Mockery

Next, Siberian gulags for sharp-tongued atheists?

Russia’s lower house of parliament on Tuesday approved a bill that would make insulting religious believers’ feelings a criminal offense, punishable by up to three years behind bars.

The controversial bill, submitted to the State Duma in late September, was backed by 308 lawmakers and opposed by just two.

Orthodox Priest Has Unorthodox Sexual Tastes

In Winnipeg, Canada,

A second man testified Tuesday that he was sexually abused as an altar boy three decades ago by a priest who would become the top Canadian cleric in the Orthodox Church in America.

“I listened to everything he said,” the 39-year-old man testified at Seraphim Storheim’s trial. “My mother clearly mentioned ‘Listen to everything he says.'”

Storheim has pleaded not guilty to sexually assaulting the man and the man’s brother. Neither complainant can be identified under a publication ban.

abp_seraphim

Both men have told the trial they were sent by their single mother at different times in 1985 to live and work with Storheim at a church in Winnipeg. They were both pre-teens at the time.

The man who testified Tuesday said Storheim would routinely walk naked around the small house attached to the church and would sometimes lie on the floor naked and touch himself.

“While I was in the kitchen having breakfast … he was lying down naked and his hand was on his penis.”

The trial continues.

Finally, Allah Says Yes to Painted Nails

Muslim women are excited about a new kind of “breathing” nail polish.

The Qur’an doesn’t specifically prohibit Muslim women from wearing nail polish, but because regular polish is formulated to keep moisture and air from reaching the nail, some believe it interferes with Wudu, a ritual washing before prayers.

trend-pick-nail-polish_300

Muslims believe it’s important that water make contact with the fingernail to cleanse it before praying. Because they would have to remove their nail polish every time they need to renew their Wudu, many Muslim women shy away from wearing nail polish.

Yay, progress.

[image via Real Simple]